Summer snow
by Brunetteattack
Summary: post ADWD. Jaime and Brienne are trying to come home and find themselves in the proces. Friendship/romance/drama. M rating to be sure
1. Chapter 1

**Author´s notes:** I do not own characters of Jaime and Brienne. They belong to GRRM alone. My story is in ASoiaF timeline set post ADWD. Especial thanks to my beta reader **iorwen** who kindly took time to read and correct my text. This is the first time I am writing a fan fic so i am a bit nervous how it will turn out. I hope that all of you who ship The Kingslayer and the Wench will enjoy the reading.

**SUMMER SNOW**

_Chapter 1_

**Jaime**

When he woke up, he didn´t know where he was. His head was heavy and his whole body hurt. He felt old and sick. _«That is nothing to be surprised of»_ – he thought to himself - _«I am old and sick.»_ He remembered his sister plucking one silver hair from his beard, not so long ago in King´s Landing. _«All __the color is draining out of you, brother. You've become a ghost of what you were, a pale crippled thing; and so bloodless, always in white.»_ Her voice was cold and bitter but her words burned. And they still burn. She didn't love him anymore. She didn't want him anymore. Of course she didn't . She´s been fucking Lancel, Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy. She´s been too busy to want him. That thought made him angry. Anything regarding his sister made him angry. He wanted to clench his fists but he remembered he only had one left. The wrong one. Pain stabbed him through the shoulder and spread to the very end of his stump, that ugly thing he hated as much as his sister did. Her again. Must she be in his every thought? He touched his shoulder with his left hand and realized it was wrapped in clean bandage. Just then, he saw he is lying in bed covered with fur. He tried to lift his head from the large pillow but he gave up instantly. Pain threatened to swallow him.

Lying in the dark, he slowly remembered everything that happened before he lost consciousness.

He was attacked in the woods by outlaws. There were five of them, or six maybe. He couldn´t tell. In any case too many for him. But he didn´t care. He was ready to die with a sword in his hand. As he always thought he would. As men like him should - fighting, killing, stabbing. He got stabbed in the shoulder after he killed two of them and then a blow from behind crashed him in deep snow. He didn´t have strength to get up, he lost his sword but he rose to his knees. He would go with his head high.

She appeared out of nowhere. She wouldn´t let him die. Just like the last time, when that bloody goat captured them. She didn´t let him die then either. Stupid, stubborn, big, ugly wench. She saved his life again. Twice that day. He hated that. _«Well, she owed me that much, after everything she had put me through.» _ Wench came to him in the middle of the night claiming she knew where Sansa Stark was. She lied to him. Bloody bitch. He didn´t know she had it in her. He should have known better. However the thought was strange, she was a woman after all. All of them are the same. Lying bitches and whores. His mind went to his sister again. Whore. He paid her alright. He paid her too much. He paid her with Castelry Rock, with his title of a lord, with a whole lifetime of Tywin´s anger and dissappointment. He paid her with his children. All three of them. But he could live without all of it. He could live all his life for her alone and he knew now that would be a wasted life. It was wasted already. She laughed in his face and sent him away.

He was useless to her. He was useless to his son. He was useless to everyone.

The bed he was lying in was the only one in the room. It was a pretty small room, probably one of the rooms in a road inn, with a narrow window, two chairs and a fire place where the fire was slowly dying. The window was closed and the candle burned out a long time ago. Chairs were drawn by the fire and he noticed that his clothes were spread over them. Just then he realized he was naked under the fur covers. Not that it bothered him at all. Better naked than dead. His clothes were drying. Wench probably dragged him here and paid the innkeeper before she fled. Even if he actually had strength to walk away from the wench, he would either bleed out or froze to death because he was soaked to his skin with snow and ice. But currently, he was still alive and he was glad for it. He still had debts to pay – to that scum of Bolton and the Freys. A Lannister always pays his debts. At least he learned that much from Tywin.

His whore sister and that traitorous wench...their turn will come as well.

**Brienne**

Renly came to her again. He came every night, stood silent and somber watching her with his brilliant blue eyes. They were cold as ice, penetrating her soul with every moment that passed. He never spoke, not even a word. She was grateful for that alone, she didn´t think she could bare his voice. She knew she betrayed him, disappointed him, abandoned him. She failed him. It hurt her more than any insult she ever got, more than any jape men in his camp put her through, even more than that cruel bet she was part of. She would give anything to change that, to die if she must to save him but there was no way back.

Catelyn would come sometimes as well, beautiful and sad as she was the last time she had seen her. Even in her dreams, Brienne knew Lady Stark was dead cause that horrid creature that called herself Stoneheart had nothing to do with the kindness and gentleness of the lady she swore an oath to. An oath she failed to keep. She failed again, she knew, because she didn´t bring her back her girls. Arya was lost or dead and Sansa was locked up in the Vale, unreachable and untouchable.

And then, there was him. She failed him the most, lied to his face and lead him to an almost certain death. Stoneheart would hang him no doubt, but Lady did give him a chance to die as a knight, in trial by combat, chance she took away from him. She fought for him, weak and exhausted as she was, and won cutting Ser Hanvin with Oathkeeper. He protested, of course, arguing that he would rather die than allow a wench to defend him but Lady Stoneheart allowed. «_She thought I would lost»_ – a thought crossed Briennes mind – _«and then both of us would die just as she wanted.»_ Jaime didn´t say a word to her. He didn´t have to. His green gaze was full of hate and disgust as he was mounting his horse. She knew she was guilty, she knew she had no right to beg him forgiveness. She betrayed him, he had put his honor in her hands and she betrayed him. She betrayed herself as well.

He was going home, she knew. Back to them, to his sister and his son. Where would she go? To her father? They didn´t part on the best of terms and he was still angry with her. To the Vale? And do what? Rescue Sansa alone? The Brotherhood had more men and more arms to bring the girl back to shadow of her mother.

She followed him instead, staying distant but she knew he was aware she was behind. She decided to go home as well. They both had to get to Maidenpool to return home. Perhaps Tarth will bring her peace and rest she needed. Rest from Renly and Catelyn. Rest from Jaime.

They were deep in the woods when she heard the song of swords. _«Jaime»_ – she thought – _«I have to save him, he cannot die now.» _When she aririved two of them already lied dead and Jaime was kneeling in the snow without his sword. She finished three of them easily, they were just forest outlaws, far from trained soldiers but he was hand short and had no chance alone against five.

_«You again wench?»_ – he mumbled while blood was leaking from his shoulder over his armor, soaking his tunic and dripping to the deep snow. _«Why won´t you let me die already? Isnt that what you wan´t?»_

It wasnt´t. It never was. Not even when she despised him and hated him. Not even when she thought of him as the most dishonorable and unworthy man in the world.

And so here they were. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, in a small room in a road inn.

The Kingslayer and the Wench. Both dishonored, both despised, both dead.

She curled up on the floor at the bottom of the bed listening to his deep breathing. She pulled the fur blanket, stretching it as much as she could to cover herself up. Her clothes were drying on the chair and she was shivering underneath the fur, wearing only blue socks that reached a bit above her knees. She got up and looked through the window before she cloded the shutters. It was so cold she thought even the moonlight froze.

«_Winter will never come for the likes of us_» – she told lady Catelyn once – «_Should we die in battle, they will surely sing of us, and it's always summer in the songs. In the songs all knights are gallant, all maids are beautiful, and the sun is always shining._»

But the sun didn´t shine and she wasn´t a knight or a beautiful maid but just a stupid girl who wanted to be something she never could. She sealed the window and glanced at the bed. The lion was still sleeping. What he dreamed of she couldnt tell. She curled on the floor again, trembeling.

Renly was waiting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author´s notes: **Thank you all for reading and commenting the story. I am glad you found it interesting enough to read it. I hope I will be able to keep it up on this level and in this speed of writing. Once again, thanks to iorwen for taking the time to read and correct my grammar mistakes.

This chapter belongs to Jaime alone. Brienne will get the next one.

**Chapter 2**

**Jaime**

Pale, cold light was coming through the window. He couldn´t tell what time it was; it could have been early morning or late afternoon. He was cold. So cold he had goosebumps all over his body although he was all wrapped up in fur blankets. He thought if he lifted his hand, he could reach the window and he would manage to shut the shutters and keep the light away. It disturbed him heavily. But there was nothing he could do. The day was icy and frozen, like his heart, and that white light made his eyes burn to tears. He wanted it to stop; he wanted someone to take that light away, to bring him darkness, as he thought darkness would give him peace his body and mind were in desperate need of. But there was no one there. He was alone once more, abandoned and left behind. Again, he fell into unconsciousness.

In dreams, lots of things would torture his mind, not allowing him to find rest in sleep. He couldn´t get her out of his head. Her image was carved deep in his mind; her burning eyes, light green like his own, her white face so similar to his, her golden hair and sweet voice that was whispering his name.

Her. It was always only her. He felt her breath next to his ear, her warm hands on his face. In his dreams he loved her more than anything and when the dream would end he would always be left with bitterness and anger.

He woke up wet with sweat. The fire was burning in the fireplace and the room had sunk into darkness. He must have slept the whole day. His clothes were lying folded on one chair and on the other, drawn closer to the fire, sat the wench, quiet and thoughtful. She didn´t notice he was awake.

He thought she was gone. He wanted her to be gone. He hoped she was gone.

_«Life and the world apparently doesn´t give a fuck for what I want or hope for. » - _thought Jaime.

_«You´re even more stupid than I thought, wench. »_ – said Jaime trying to turn to the side with a painful sigh – _« I would kill you instantly if I could actually get out of this damn bed. »_

«_I don´t doubt it at all, but since you can´t, I have no fear of dying tonight. » - _thegirl replied quietly without even looking at him.

_«Don´t provoke me wench»_ – Jaime´s voice was harsh. Somehow he managed to sit upright in the bed. «_Death is too good for you.»_

_«Perhaps it is.» _

_«Perhaps? You lied to me and betrayed me. »_

_«And I saved your life. Twice if I recall correctly. »_

_«You may still regret that, wench. »_

_«My name is...»_

_«Brienne, I know. » - _Jaime smiled painfully. «_I never asked to be saved. »_

_«I saved you nevertheless_. » – The wench was still stubborn as a mule. «_I owed you that much. »_

_«Yes, you owed me that much. Now you can go and leave me here. »_

_«To die of a fever in the snow? I put way too much effort into saving your life, Kingslayer, to let you die from a scratch. »_

Kingslayer. Jaime always hated that name though he rarely heard it being spoken to his face.

_«Well, you let Renly die and you claimed to love him. Do you want to say you love me wench? » - _ Jaime laughed loudly. He knew Renly´s name would set her to fire. He was right. The wench jumped to her feet, her eyes piercing him in the dark.

_«If you ever mention Renly to me, even one more time, I swear by the Seven, I will cut your other hand so you will need boys to wipe your ass and feed you, Kingslayer!» - _her voice was husky and tense. She turned around and went to the doors.

_«We…Brienne! Wait! I´m sorry!»_ - Jaime almost never apologized in his life but this time it came easily. He knew she loved Renly, like he loved Cersei. After all, if he wanted to get out of here, he needed her.

_«You´re sorry, Kingslayer? Now, that is news.» _

_«My name is…»_

_«Jaime, I know.»_

«_Where are you going?»_

_«Downstairs, to get some bandages. That shoulder of yours needs cleaning. »_

_« Have you become a maester in the meantime? » – _Jaime mocked. She just rolled her eyes and left. Before she closed the doors she told him with a voice that wouldn´t take any complaint, to eat the dinner she left him.

He had no appetite but he forced himself to eat. He was feverish and hadn't eaten a thing since yesterday morning. He finished the last piece of cheese and was just drinking cup of bad wine when she came back carrying clean bandages and a bowl of hot water with some herbs in it. The smell of it made him dizzy.

_«What is that? It smells terrible. » - _asked Jaime feeling his stomach in his throat.

_«It´s just water with herbs, for your wound. You are lucky that sword didn´t go any deeper, it was very sharp, if that man had any more skills with swordplay, that thing would have cut through your shoulder and you would be dead. » - _she sat on the bed next to him putting the bowl on the floor. She looked as awkward as ever, with pale blond hair that went down her shoulders in thick wavy locks which in the candle light seemed almost silver. Her face was plain as always; freckles spread all over her nose and cheeks, going down her neck where purple bruise marks were still visible. Rope, Jaime knew. Below her left ear a rough red line made its way to the bottom of her jaw. Bite, Jaime knew as well.

_«Maybe I was not fair to her. » _ – he thought.

Wearing a simple white shirt and dark blue breeches she looked quite thinner and more fragile than he remembered. But he had no illusions; she could still cut him to pieces with one hand.

She helped him sit more straight and he managed to put his pillow behind his back. His wound hurt. But that was the pain he was used to. Pain and blood were the price of being a knight. A price he had paid many times.

_«Hold still_. » – she said quietly looking at him. Her eyes were the same, deep and gloomy, they gave innocence to the color of blue.

He leaned back and closed his eyes. Her hands were soft and gentle, her touch warm and determined. She knew what she was doing. Except for Cersei, no woman had ever touched him. He had servants to bathe him and wash his hair, his pages and squires to dress him in clothes and armor. And he had his sister to love him.

Now, he only had Brienne.

It didn´t feel strange though, being touched by this weird girl.

_«It´s just the wench.» _ – he said to himself. «_You were tied to her for days. You even threw up on her. She´s the one who washed your back and dressed you up in that bloody Harrenhal Castle. She has seen you in a lot worse condition than now.» _

Wine started to make his head heavy. He sunk into the pillows letting her do whatever she considered necessary. After all, he knew she left him no choice but to obey. His eyes closed and once more darkness overtook him.

When he woke up, he was feeling better. He still felt dizzy but it seemed to him his fever was gone. She was curled up on the thin carpet next to the fireplace. The night was very cold. The fur blanket she was wrapped in was too small to cover her long legs. Even those were freckled. «_Gods, she´s covered in those spots all over» -_ Jaime had to laugh. A little bit above her right knee at the top of her blue sock lay a straight red line, almost six inches long, ran along her pale skin.

_«Last mark my good hand ever made. »_ – thought Jaime. He remembered the pride and joy he felt at the beauty of her blood coming down her thigh.

The same sight had a bitter feeling now. Everything had a bitter feeling these days.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Brienne**

Under her fingers his skin was smooth and wet from sweat. His wound was deep, with sharp edges. It was sword wound; she had seen many of those. It was serious one cause blade had cut him deep, almost to the bone, but with right treatment it would heel soon. He was sleeping. Wine had done what it was meant to do and he didn't even feel her fingers wrapping his shoulder in clean bandage.

Brienne noticed his frame filled in a lot since the Harrenhal bath. She still blushed at the very memory of that day, of memory of two of them sharing a tube together. She had seen many unclothed men in Renly´s camp, but none not even as near as beautiful. Even half dead, he looked like the Warrior himself.

The man lying on the bed in front of her looked different though, more beautiful and stronger than she remembered. His hair grew; it covered his neck with pure gold, streaked at few places with gray, almost silver, thin flows. He kept his golden beard too, though cut short; it made him look more of a lion. The lion he truly was.

Jaime Lannister. The Kingslayer.

She knew well who this man was, and yet, she stayed by his side. Maybe it was herself she didn't know anymore. She wasn't the girl who had left Tarth with hopes and dreams of honor and glory. Girl who only knew summer, lived in songs and was in love with the most beautiful boy in the world. Renly was only a boy, she knew it now. Pretty boy with a crown, too heavy for his head. He wasn't made for it. He wasn't made for it and now he is dead. It was another time, it was another world, so different than this moment now. But every moment of it was true, just like every moment of this now is true. There are no false moments, only true moments and false people.

Renly was false, she was false, all of them were false. False with their honor, false with their courage, false with their illusions of being knights and serving justice. False cause of their ignorance, cause of their foolishness and blindness of the real world.

The only thing real was with her in that room. Broken oaths, unfulfilled promises, lies, scars on her cheek, golden hand, sword underneath the bed, blood on her hands. Too much of it.

And him. He was real too.

It was so easy to hate him, so easy to despise him, almost too easy.

Oathbreaker, kingslayer, murderer.

In the eyes of many, she was the same. In the eyes of herself, she was the same. She didn´t kill Renly, but she didn´t save him neither, or gave her life for his as she promised she would. She didn´t fulfill any of her promises cause both Stark girls were lost. Lady she swore an oath was dead and this shadow…it wasn´t Caitlyn, she knew that.

Night was slowly fading into the freezing dawn, another gray day was waiting for her, day she didn´t want to think of. Day she will have to decide.

She had no idea what to do next, where to go. Part of her heart longed for Tarth, the other part longed for revenge she still owed to Renly. Stannis was on her mind more than ever, the man who killed his own flesh and blood for the throne and the crown. Stannis and that red woman, the red priestess. Brienne didn´t know what magic she had used to cast a shadow that put Renly to death, but she was not afraid of it. She was not afraid of death. She tasted it enough to know it was better than this life gods gave her. Life she hated, life she cursed and yet life she struggled for so hard while the harsh rope strangled her.

She struggled for Pod and Hyle.

And for Jaime too.

There were still things to live for.


End file.
